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HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

  • May 12, 2012 8:40 PM BST

    HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

     

    1. Pick up cat, cradle it in left arm as if holding a baby, position forfinger and gently apply pressure to the cheeks while holding pill in right hand, as cat opens mouth pop pill in mouth, allow to close mouth and swallow...
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa, cradle cat and repeat process...
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away...
    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat holding rear paws tightly with left hand, force jaws open and push pills to back of mouth with right forfinger, hold mouth shut and count to ten...
    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call in spouse...
    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged between knees, hold front paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat, get spouse to hold head with one hand while forcing wooden ruler in mouth, drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat...
    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil pack, make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figureines and vases from hearth and set to one side...
    8. Wrap cat in a towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit, put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw...
    9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away, apply plaster to spouses forarm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap...
    10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed, get another pill, place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing, force mouth open with spoon, flick pill down throat with elastic band...
    11. fetch screwdriver from garage and put wardrobe door back on hinges, apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab, throw t-shirt away and get new one...
    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road, apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat, take last pill...
    13. Tie cats front paws to back paws with heavy duty garden twine and bind tightly to dinning table leg, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak, hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down...
    14. Get spouse to drive you to accident and emergency, sit quietly while doctor stiches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye, call at furniture shop on way home and order new table...
    15. Arrange for R.S.P.C.A. to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters...

     

    How to give a dog a pill
    1. Wrap it in bacon...

    • 1 posts
    July 31, 2015 8:26 AM BST
    Or.... Take to vet and get the sucker injected!

    Great story... Unless if it was true, then my condolences...