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Notice From HM Government

  • May 27, 2012 10:21 PM BST

    Notice From HM Government



    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the
    Economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put
    Workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme
    Will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).


    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible
    For the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).


    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
    SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be
    RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government
    Deems appropriate.

    Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for
    Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
    Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not
    Be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government..


    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT
    (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government
    Has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should
    You feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the
    Attention of your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the
    SHIT you can handle.

  • September 1, 2012 3:01 AM BST
    where is the "like" button?
    • 12 posts
    September 15, 2014 2:42 AM BST
    I agree, please can we arrange one, I think it would be a very useful tool lol !